Thanks for showing up here.
I'm so proud of you.
It's a gift to me that you came here.
Doing dark places alone can be hard.
You don't even need to be in a super dark place, maybe you've just been scrolling the internet trying to quiet your mind and get to some point where you'll remember to go sleep or eat a meal. Been there, dude.
I'm here for you, as much as I can be on a webpage.
If any of what I just said resonates,
while I might not understand your full situation,
I promise you, you're not alone.
If you can, get somewhere safe and warm and comfy, and feel your feelings. What is going on in your body? Where does it hurt? Does it move? Does it change? Stay with it if you can. If that feels like too much right now, maybe try some of these other things.
You feel like shit. This interactive self-care guide, created by Jace Harr is bookmarked on my phone's internet browser, so I *theorhetically* will look at it instead of binging memes or YouTube as a strategy for avoiding my feelings. It'll ask you simple questions to make sure you've eaten, slept, taken any vitamins or meds, and then will suggest some actions to take. Great for establishing a baseline of well(er)-being. It's a great help when my self-control isn't really entirely on board.
If you would appreciate some company in exhaustion, uncertainty, fear, frustration, anger, this may be the ticket. Hallease is a gift and a joy in the world, and I highly recommend her work in general, but if you have a tendency to consume a lot of media when distressed, the video I linked is a solid thing to add to the cue, because it may help cool your nervous system down, rather than rev it up.
You need someone to talk to. Nothing is on fire, but you really don't feel okay. Call a friend or a family member perhaps, if that feels safe and possible. If not, there are warmlines, which are free phone services for people wanting to discuss daily challenges, recovery, or mental health who aren't necessarily in crisis. That link will take you to a list of 'em.
If things are very, very, very hard, and you're in a moment (or a long period) of "what even is the point?" Maybe you're "high functioning" but you still feel horrible. Maybe you just feel horrible and are wondering "what is this functioning of which you speak?" If you feel like no one is gonna understand or you're worried someone is going to think you're crazy when you know you're not, or that people aren't going to be able to get how intolerable things are if you ask for help, and you want a video that's personal, artistic, literary, and philosophical, to make you feel understood and/or provide a metaphor for your experience that might make it more tolerable, this video by Abigail Thorn might be the ticket. Content warning for discussion of self harm and suicide. It's such a well done piece of art, and activism, and human kindness.
Understanding The Suicide Urge - A brilliant and compassionate page created by Karla McLaren. Beautiful solace for anyone who wants to offer themselves some compassion, and get a sense of what their emotions might be trying to tell them. The whole site is brilliant. It also has pages for fear, panic, sadness, grief, and many other emotions. Here's a link to her emotional vocabulary list, which is a great place to start.
Things are very, very hard, and I need to talk to someone who isn't gonna freak out.
Again, I'm so proud of you.
Here are some options.
This link will take you to a huge pile of international resources. If you can't find your country or continent, there's a general section at the bottom.
If texting sounds doable, The Crisis Text Line is a great option. Text HOME to 741741 to get started.
If a call feels like what you need, this is an option in the U.S.
Here are others:
USA, National Suicide Hotline - 1-800-784-2433
USA, The Trevor Project - 1-866-488-7386
USA, Trans Lifeline - 1-877-565-8860
UK & ROI, the Samaritans - 116123
If you're outside of these places, here's that international link again so you don't have to scroll back up.
Please take care of yourself, and it's not just about self care. Let others take care of you, if you can.
When I was in a very not fun place, I sat on the stairs outside a friend's apartment during a birthday party (of all times), tearful, knowing I needed to make some enormous changes because my emotional situation had become untenable, with another friend who had (blessedly and unfortunately) been in a similar place.
I asked him how the heck he got out of The Pit, as I'd named it, and he told me to just do the next right thing, that it might not get better all at once, and that it would, eventually, get better. The promise that things would get better was the truth, and it still felt kinda empty. I was just so tired.
The key thing was that he listened, he believed me, and he helped me feel less alone.
And that has made all the difference.
Self-care is beautiful, and community care is also a thing, for always, and especially when things are too challenging to go it alone.
Seeking and accepting support is beautiful.
If you need to hear this right now:
I believe you.
I believe in you.
You are important.
If you don't believe that right now, that's okay.
I promise it's true.